Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Where's the Exploitation?

Is it wrong that while an American's life hung in the balance over the weekend, I was thinking that someone should make an exploitation movie about Somali pirates? In fact, I consulted an expert in high-concept movie packaging for the best way to exploit the headlines.


Expert: "SOMALI PIRATES...CAPTURE BOATLOAD OF...REALITY SHOW CONTESTANTS...THE GOVERNMENT SENDS IN...CRACK TEAM OF...MIXED MARTIAL ARTISTS...THEY FIGHT WITH KNEES...ELBOWS...AND GRAPPLING...IN THE ADEN TRIANGLE."

The only thing I'd add myself, albeit reluctantly, but knowing what this movie needs to be made, is a giant sea monster. I leave it to you to visualize it all.
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7 comments:

  1. UnknownApril 14, 2009 at 2:18 AM

    You had me at mixed martial arts, but the sea monster seals the deal!

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  2. AnonymousApril 14, 2009 at 8:04 AM

    Starring Rob Schneider as the sea monster.

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  3. Samuel WilsonApril 14, 2009 at 12:38 PM

    If only Corman were young again! Or Italians still had access to the American market. Or I had a million dollars.

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  4. Phantom of PulpApril 14, 2009 at 2:03 PM

    I'd throw in Beauty Pageant contestants.

    Pirates like the ladies.

    At least the old fashioned ones did.

    What wrong with these pansies?

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  5. hobbyfanApril 14, 2009 at 2:47 PM

    So why in the blue freakin' hades is there a picture of Cartman in a homemade robot suit accompanying this?

    Sea monsters? Screw that! See about resurrecting the Toxic Avenger! (g)

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  6. Samuel WilsonApril 14, 2009 at 3:07 PM

    Phantom: "Beauty contestants" was my first thought, too, but you can have some among the reality show people along with other character types whom we'd rather see killed by pirates or sea monsters.

    Hobby: It looks like you've taken one step toward figuring out the answer, so please educate yourself further.

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  7. AnonymousApril 15, 2009 at 8:09 AM

    How about we just throw in the winner of each reality show for that season...the new American Idol, Dancing with the Stars, Project: Runway, Survivor, Biggest Loser, etc. Then we have a nice cross-spectrum of victims, errr, I mean stars.

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