Friday, October 23, 2009

Halloween of the Damned!

Still marking time until my next full-scale movie review (it'll be up late tonight or early tomorrow), I'd like to share this sheet of wholesome thoughts I found laying on the sidewalk outside the Albany Public Library. I could tell in one glance that it was some sort of religious tract, though this is a particularly amateurish sample of the genre. It is a single 8.5x11 sheet of paper folded four ways, with printing on only one side of the sheet. It was most likely xeroxed at the library for distribution to the masses, one of whom left it on the ground for me to discover. Titled, "What's in your BAG," it features the usual selection of bible verses surrounding the author's own learned remarks on the significance of Halloween. These I print verbatim and in their entirety:

The celebration of halloween is dedicated to satan and the devil.
"Listen carefully my dearest readers."
Listen to what God is saying in the bible.
Isiah 42:8
I am the LORD: that is my name: and my glory will I not give to another, neither my praise to graven images.
Exodus 20:3,4
Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness ofany thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth
In this days the witch craft and the predictors, they will gain human body's in diffrent places, in peoples homes, forest and mountains to be sacrsfice.
When they can't find people to sacrafices for satan, they will take animals or repiticles to drop their blood from this animals to evil. In those days they will give you candy and those candies, a lot of them are dedicated to the devil and have poison. In other cases some people uses masks to scare and still, also to do evil things to the inisents people, and still goods also.
They either still or kill, Everything that pertain this devilish practice is out of Gods commanments.

So there, you depraved watchers of horror films and eaters of devlish candy! You're on notice. And even if you don't believe a word of this, doesn't it scare you just a little bit to think that a real person wrote this, and is still out there in the world? If so, I suppose I've done my bit to properly haunt your Halloween.

Back to the movies next time.
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7 comments:

  1. AnonymousOctober 23, 2009 at 5:06 PM

    o lord four give me four i is a sinnnerwhat sellabrates the hallow ween. i sware ifn yu dont bern me in hell iwll nevver agin sellabrates satin or the devel or hallow ween and i sware also too that i will nevver agin eet kandie.

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  2. Neil FulwoodOctober 23, 2009 at 6:06 PM

    Hmmmm, so the choice I have is:

    *Embrace the path of righteousness, denounce Satan-loving Halloween celebrations, forego all capability with the English language and waste my time running off silly little fliers;

    or:

    *Throw in my lot with the ungodly, eat candy and watch depraved and sinful horror movies.

    Ah, sod it ... pass me the sweeties and the Lucio Fulci DVDs.

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  3. hobbyfanOctober 23, 2009 at 7:10 PM

    It has come to my attention that October 31 is also the day that Martin Luther published "The Reformation". Christians, then, have a reason to mark the occasion with parties, as opposed to traditional Halloween costume parties. Refreshments are likely to be the same fare (candy, soft drinks, etc.), but the atmosphere would be a little different.

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  4. UnknownOctober 23, 2009 at 8:36 PM

    I went to a private Christian school for 3 months in the 7th grade--a desperate attempt by my mother to 'fix me' in some fashion. Well, October was one of the months I attended and wow, did they ever preach the fire and brimstone about Halloween. I didn't even plan on dressing up that year, because I was 12 and kind of over trick or treating, but I did anyways just to spite the school, which sent flyers home (similar to this one you have here) with all the kids. Even at 12 I knew they were all a bunch of fear mongering wackjobs.

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  5. J. AstroOctober 23, 2009 at 10:19 PM

    I dunno about you guys, but I am now ready for some serious "stillin'" and doing "evil things to inisents". Where's my goddamn mask?!

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  6. AnonymousOctober 25, 2009 at 8:52 AM

    So does this mean that heaven is populated with illiterate white trash with perfect teeth?

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  7. The Vicar of VHSOctober 26, 2009 at 2:28 PM

    Of course you can always count on Jack T. Chick to sort it all out for you:


    A serious look:
    The Trick

    And a much more entertaining take:
    Boo!

    And yes, for those of you tragically unfamiliar with Mr. Chick's work, he's ENTIRELY serious.

    As for me, I'm glad we have one pagan holiday still on the calendar. I just wish they could hold off with the Giftmas displays at the stores until after Thanksgiving, much less Halloween. :(

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