A long galaxy ago, in a time far, far away, the planet Ixilon, ruled by benevolent King Zenon (?), is under attack by Oraclon, the "powerful king of the night" (Don Powell, a onetime Hollywood dancer who also composed the score for this film). From his appearance, Oraclon earned his kingdom by being a kind of beacon in the darkness, from his glittery beard to a costume out of the Golden Age of Comics. But he wants more, and despite Princess Belle Star's assurance that "we'll overcome the dark forces of evil," Zenon prepares for the worst.
Oraclon kinda reminds me of the old Psycho-Pirate in DC Comics. He certainly runs the gamut of emotions.
After some desultory maneuvering and laser combat in space, he delegates Belle (Sherry aka Cheryl Buchanan) to be his ambassador to the Antaen Empire, a potential ally, with loyal lunkhead Lithian (James Milton) as her protector. In the confusion of battle our heroes make good their escape while Ixilon goes down fighting, even though Oraclon has technology that enables him to look into the cockpit of their escape craft.
Belle Star and Lithian flank their doomed monarch above, and fly their way out of Dodge below.
Both sides have a lot of technology to throw around, and one of the joys of the English version is the avalanche of technobabble, with special emphasis on the babble. Try some samples:
Oraclon: Prepare the uranium vapor rockets!
Zenon: We'll throw up a shield of mega-rays.
Oraclon: Use the hypersolar missile systems!
Lithian: The hydrogen booster units are already at 6000 mega-degrees.
Lithian: We're protected by the omega unit.
Oraclon: Use omegametric teleprobes and scan the whole eastern galaxy! Wait!...Including the equidistant conic tangents!
Oraclon excels at overall villain rant, e.g. "You galactic idiots! Imbeciles! Belle Star and Lithian are excaping! We are not returning to base, until I have their heads at my feet." But despite his big talk the good guys manage to excape all the way to a strange blue planet with a oxygen-nitrogen atmosphere. They appear to have landed in the middle of a peplum, on a planet populated by people in togas and tunics. But the architecture is somewhere between Hobbitown and Munchkin Land, and the environment is strange and terrifying to the newcomers.
Lithian: What is this stuff?
Belle Star: It's water! I once saw some in my father's collection of intergalactic minerals.
Lithian: What do you use it for?
If this is how the male Eloi of post-apocalyptic Peplum Earth react to Lithian in his costume, how will they react when he reveals his loinclothed manliness?
But no sooner have the earthlings celebrated life with a charmingly awkward bump and grind ensemble in the old peplum spirit, and no sooner have our heroes realized, upon finally doing the dirty with each other instead of strangers, that they are no longer immortal, than Oraclon shows up again to rain on the parade with lasers and bombs. Belle and Lithian can save their new home only by offering themselves up to their enemy, who cackles at the thought of their eternal servitude -- little does he know. Meanwhile, the good guys still have a card up their sleeves. They'll use sex as a weapon. Belle puts the moves on Oraclon, offering him a different kind of servitude. As he accepts the offer, Lithian becomes a kind of blue-eyed monster. Is this something he could have done before, or has jealousy and/or sex given him new powers? I'll leave the answer to the Monday morning quarterbacks. All I know is that when he zaps Belle while she's lip-locked with Oraclon, it's good night King of the Night. He's not just relegated to the ash-heap of history; he becomes the ash-heap of history! Good triumphs once again!
As long as you know what you're getting into, it's hard to hate this film. It's so enthusiastically and unselfconsciously stupid that the enthusiasm overwhelms the stupidity. Well, maybe not, but the stupidity actually factors into the enthusiasm and carries you along. Escape From Galaxy 3 has a certain childish charm, despite its arguably adult elements, and that exuberant naivete transcends the cynicism you'd think would be inherent in a Starcrash ripoff. It is definitely one of the dumbest movies you'll ever see, but that's what's fun about it. It's dumb but not dull, and for a film like this, that's probably all you can ask for. Escape is easily the most entertaining stage of the Mill Creek Invasion so far, but there's still much more to come.