Tuesday, June 16, 2009

"What movie would you like to see remade?"

You may think there are too many remakes coming out of Hollywood these days, but some people seem to disagree. But before we could say, "Don't encourage them!" the local paper's inquiring photographer hit the streets to ask local people (and some just passing through) if they had any suggestions. Responses from five representative citizens appeared today, and I'm going to share them with you. No thanks are necessary.

Vicki Popson of Colonie, a state health worker, answers: "Casablanca. I would like to see Al Pacino play the Bogart part, with Jamie Foxx as Sam and Charlize Theron as the love interest."

Diane Adams of Guilderland Center, another health worker, says: "Gone With the Wind. Richard Gere could play Rhett Butler and Julia Roberts as Scarlett."

Rick Petuske, a produce store proprietor of Halfmoon, suggests: "Dave. The movie where Kevin Kline imitates the president. Now we should have a remake or sequel where he gets elected."

Dan Shepard, a caterer and realtor from Colonie, proposes: "Top Gun. It's probably my favorite movie. I would probably look for a little tougher lead. I like the Rock. He's a little more masculine. I would use all the modern technology."

Jed Yaffee, currently self-employed and hailing from New York City, brainstorms: "Deerhunter [sic]. That movie was amazing. Sean Penn, Johnny Depp, Tobey Maguire and Phillip Seymour Hoffman would be great in the new version."

Regrettably, Yaffee wasn't asked to distribute the main male roles among his dream cast. That will have to be left to your imagination, along with a seventyish Rick Blaine, a fortysomething Scarlett and other products of that dream factory we call the collective American mind.

8 comments:

Crhymethinc said...

I would like to see a non-musical remake of "The Wizard of Oz", directed by Akira Kurasawa. Starring Willow Palin as Dorothy, David Letterman as the Scarecrow, John McCain as the Lion, Dick Cheney as the Tin Man, Johnny Depp as the Wizard, a rabid wolverine as Toto, Lady Gaga as Glenda, the Good Witch and Rosie O'Donnel as the Wicked Witch.

hobbyfan said...

There are some films that cannot and should not be considered for remakes. Gone With The Wind is one of them. With our luck, they'll get Michael Bay to direct it and ruin the entire concept.

That having been said, I'd like to see them try to re-do Blade Runner, but with Jason Statham in the Harrison Ford role, just for kicks. No pun intended.

Crhymethinc said...

Yeah, with Vince Vaughn and Vin Diesal as the two male androids - with the prop master from the original The Crow movie.

Neil Fulwood said...

Here's an idea: take films that weren't much cop first time round and make them better. Too many remakes are of classic originals that need no tinkering with - remakes, by and large, which completely miss the point.

I mean come on, next they'll be remaking 'The Wicker Man' without the cop being a virgin, relocating it to America and giving the lead role someone ridiculous like Nicolas Ca-

Oh.

Yeah.

Shit.

Rev. Phantom said...

Unless I missed the mark, this was supposed to be a humorous blog, right? I had a good laugh anyways. America has really become a real thinktank of creativity, hasn't it? Wait did I say 'think'tank? I meant shittank.

I'm with Neil on this one--take the crappy movies and make them better. Remaking movies that were already great and trying to make them better rarely works, if at all.

Samuel Wilson said...

The problem with Neil and the Rev's suggestions, of course, is that the crap movies presumably flopped the first time and their titles can't be pre-sold to the public.

What surprised me about the inquiring photog responses was people's readiness to have movies they loved done over, as if those beloved movies were still inadequate in some way. But the respondents may not have meant it the way I'm interpreting it. As far as they may be concerned, a great story can always be told again. What would really worry me would be if they assumed that remakes would automatically surpass the originals by virtue of being modern. That's really worked well so far....

hobbyfan said...

Actually, I was hoping for the Wilson brothers (Owen & Luke) as the male 'droids, and Milla Jovovich as the female 'droid (Daryl Hannah in the original).

BTW, Crhyme, your reimagining of the Wizard of Oz is pretty funny but infeasible. Unless you submit a script for Saturday Night Live.

A new Wizard in this era would have Jim Carrey playing either Scarecrow or the Tin Man, Emma Roberts (Julia's niece) as Dorothy, Jenny McCarthy (Carrey's squeeze) as Glinda, and Seth Rogen as the Cowardly Lion.

Crhymethinc said...

Well, either way, as long as a rabid wolverine played the part of Toto, I'd be happy.